Monthly Archives: September 2007

Return To Sanity

As promised earlier this year, we are passing on some early analysis about the re-revision of clock rules in NCAA football. The source of much confusion for the fan, and increased revenue opportunities for the broadcast networks, the new season seems to have a more acceptable balance between the purpose of the sport, i.e., playing the game, and the purpose of the networks, i.e., making money through advertisements.

The information comes courtesy of The Wizard of Odds, via our old friend, http://www.cfbstats.com.

An excerpt:

One has to wonder if Alabama’s comeback Saturday against Arkansas would have been possible under the 2006 clock rules. You remember those rules, right? The ones that stripped nearly 16 plays from the average game and shortened the contests by 13:53.

Then we learned that telecasts — particularly those by CBS — weren’t really all that much shorter. In other words, less football, more commercials.

Thankfully, the Football Rules Committee corrected its mistake, basically changing the rules back to what they were in 2005. Now it can be argued that the Crimson Tide would have never had the chance to march down the field for the winning touchdown against the Razorbacks if the game had been played under the 2006 clock rules.

Now, if we could just restore some sanity to the nicknames……

Triangles, Logistics, and Audubon

Not getting around too much in the blogosphere these days, due to school and whatnot, it may be that this item has slipped through the information net here at Agricola. If so, apologies all around. If not, take a minute and follow the link…..a tale of the impending collision between one of our state’s finest natural resources and the inevitable march of commerce. Let’s hope that planners, engineers, business-people and politicians all take advantage of modern technology, like pervious concrete and such, to reduce eliminate the potential for damage to a natural treasure.

global_logistics.jpg

We Love New Words

Our culture is evolving at a rate that seems to be directly proportional to the evolution of technology in our personal lives. Some scientists have even made the claim that our species has evolved more in the last 300 years than in the previous 30,000 years as the divide between the physical and the cultural disappears.

Languages evolve, too, and provide a useful barometer to understand where we are going as a culture.

Herewith a few examples of new entries in our lexicon:

“Teamsmanship,” “embed,” and “guybrarian” – just a sampling of the creative new words and expressions recently submitted by the public to Merriam-Webster’s Open Dictionary. Read on for their definitions…

embed (noun): an instance or period of a journalist traveling with a military unit; an instance or period of being embedded.

Example of use: If we’re on an embed and we’re dealing with these Iraqi forces, they’re going to be very careful in what they say, because their American paymasters essentially are standing around.

guybrarian (noun): A male librarian in a female dominated field.

Example of use: With so many women studying library science, Tim felt conspicuous as the only guybrarian in the class.

pitawich (noun): A sandwich made with pita bread instead of the usual loaf.

Example of use: I enjoy a tasty tuna pitawich while watching Star Trek.

teamsmanship (noun): the practice and skill of being able to work as a team.

Example of use: Football players constantly display excellent teamsmanship.

vanity sizing (noun): the practice of setting the sizes of manufactured clothing such that the garment is larger than the established norm for a given size in order to persuade the purchaser that a smaller size is appropriate.

Example of use: Without vanity sizing I would not be the owner of the only pair of size 6 jeans that I have ever managed to get into.

Great stuff, via

Brittanica Blog.

A Shameless Cut & Paste

Thanks to Theo Spark for this wonderful little story:

Dear Technical Support,

About 18 month ago, I upgraded to GirlFriend(tm) 1.0 from DrinkingMates(tm) 4.2,which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run GirlFriend(tm) 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, GirlFriend(tm) 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as BoysNightOut© 3.1, Football© 4.5, FlashCar(tm) 2.5 and Playboy© 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend(tm) proved no better. I tried a shareware program, Slapper(tm) 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend(tm) 1.2 and GirlFriend(tm) 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they cause severe damage to my hardware. I eventually upgraded to Fiancée(tm) 1.0 only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife(tm) 1.0. While Wife(tm) 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and CleanHouse 2007. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife(tm) 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife(tm) 1.0’s memory and could not be deleted. Then they resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife(tm) 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife(tm) 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShopBrowser for new attachments and HairStyleExpress which needs to be installed every three weeks. Wife(tm) 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that are a heavy drain on my resources. Also, when Wife(tm) 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes. Wife(tm) 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother-In-Law, which can’t be turned off.
Recently I’ve been tempted to install Mistress(tm) 2007, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife(tm) 1.0 detects Mistress(tm) 2007, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

I think he’s got it figured out…..

Chief

As a proud former enlisted man in the US Navy, who had the pleasure(?) of working for a few Chief Petty Officers of the US Navy, these words, via Lex, are a wonderful reminder of that great species, the senior NCOs of our armed forces.

The CHIEF doesn’t sleep with a night light. The CHIEF isn’t afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of the CHIEF.

The CHIEF’s tears can cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.

The CHIEF once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now simply called The Islands.

The CHIEF once counted to infinity . . . twice!

The CHIEF frequently donates blood to the Red Cross, just never his own.

Superman owns a pair of CHIEF pajamas.

The CHIEF has never paid taxes. He just sends in a blank form and includes a picture of himself.

If the CHIEF is late, then time had damn well better slow down.

The CHIEF has the greatest Poker Face ever. He once won the 1982 World Series of Poker despite the fact that he held only a Joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a Monopoly Get-Out-Of-Jail card, and a green number 4 UNO card.

The CHIEF once sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his rugged good looks and unparalleled strength. He then beat up the devil and took back his soul. The devil (who appreciates irony), couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the CHIEF was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: “What is courage?” The CHIEF received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

The CHIEF actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can’t get up the courage to tell him.

The CHIEF once ate three 72-oz steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress.

The CHIEF clogs the toilet even when goes “#1″.

The CHIEF refers to himself in the fourth person.

The CHIEF can divide by zero.

If the CHIEF ever calls your house, be in!

The CHIEF doesn’t leave messages; he leaves warnings.

The CHIEF is one-eighth Cherokee. This has nothing to do with his ancestry. The man once ate an Indian.

If you come home and find the CHIEF in bed with your wife, it would be a good idea to fetch a glass of water in case the CHIEF gets thirsty. There is no future in any other course of action.

The CHIEF can slam a revolving door.

The CHIEF was sending an email one day, when he realized that it would be faster to run.

One time in an airport a guy accidentally called the CHIEF “buddy.” He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. The CHIEF accepted his apology and politely shook hands. Nine months later the guy’s wife gave birth to a baby with a birthmark that looked like a fouled anchor. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.

When the Incredible Hulk gets angry, he transforms into the CHIEF.

When the CHIEF exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Bullets dodge the CHIEF.

The CHIEF once took an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink . . . once.

The first lunar eclipse took place after the CHIEF challenged the sun to a staring contest. The sun blinked first.

The CHIEF never used a question mark in his entire life. He believes that the interrogative tense is a sign of weakness.